The Secrets to Having an Enlightened Breakup
By Jafree Ozwald
“As long as we hold on to blame, we cannot forgive. As long as we do not forgive, we cannot love. Blame is an invention of the wounded ego. Love knows no blame only compassion. Blaming holds you in the energy of the duality, of victim and abuser. Forgiving is a direct way of reclaiming your power and free yourself to love beyond judgment.” ~ Grace Elohim
Your relationships in life are like a multi-faceted mirrors, reflecting those hidden parts of your psyche that you cannot see. Your main intimate partner in life, (that person you trust and open up to the most) is going to reflect the brightest and darkest aspects hidden inside you. You manifested your life partner to allow you to reveal these unconscious parts so you can heal them, experience tremendous spiritual growth, and step into the state of Samadhi, self-realization and enlightenment.
Anytime your relationship gets rocky, challenging or comes to ending climax, it’s because you aren’t willing to understand, accept and appreciate the major life lesson that is being presented to you in your mirror. The lesson is always about loving and accepting yourself, knowing you are the God Source, the pure light of consciousness that is beyond all names and forms. When you take on the willingness to be real, authentic, vulnerable and communicate your deepest truth with your partner, it dissolves the veils blinding you from returning to love. The soul steps in to replace the ego’s need to be right and in control. All the blame, judgments or criticisms that you have about your partner are owned as your ego’s protection agents, and those deeper parts of you in hiding come out into the light of your own being.
If you are willing and able to own your issues, and take 100% responsibility for them and your partner still refuses to let down their guard, it is important to give your partner ample space and love. Tell them you love them, and are willing to give them a week, month or 3 months to heal. Make a conscious agreement between you where there will be no communication, which will give you both time to dive deeper inside to see your unconscious saboteurs hiding in the shadows. Anytime two people are brought together in a long term loving communion, it’s to bring each other into enlightened state. The love between you is like light, that naturally brings out the unconscious core issues from our past hiding in our shadow.
Our shadow parts contain one sided negative beliefs, blame games, judgmental projections and fears that we are unknowingly holding onto. You cannot see your shadow side until you look deep inside. It’s those parts you don’t like about yourself, and are too painful to accept so you keep them secretly hidden from the world. If you exposed your shadow onto everyone all the time, people would reject you and remove you from society, so you tend to keep them hidden. The shadow can only be healed with love and acceptance. Your partner is the golden flashlight to help you look inside and see the source where your shadow is actually coming from, and why it was created and remains in hiding. Once you bring awareness into owning your shadow side, you’ll bring all those hidden goodies out of the darkness and into the light.
“Enlightenment is not about imagining figures of light, but of making the darkness conscious.” ~ Carl Jung
A few years ago I went through a breakup with my partner after being together with her for 5 years. This release was one of the toughest experiences of my life. I didn’t realize how much I loved her, wanted her to be with me, needed her in my life, and how dependent I was on her for her brilliant love. There was such a pain in my heart, that I felt like a knife was stuck in it. The more she pulled away, the more I would unconsciously run after her to heal this pain, even though I knew I should deal with it give her space. I wasn’t aware of a deeper part of my shadow around women that felt it needed to be loved. I decided to do a 21 day juice cleanse, and ended up losing 20 lbs. The fast made my spiritual path become incredibly clear and alive, which created immense clarity in my mind about the deeper issues inside my shadow. I was able to meet her with gratitude and honestly thanked her for allowing me to bring my past issues and pain to healing.
I found that it’s vital that you take extra good care of yourself physically during any breakup. Go for walks outside, do a cleanse, eat only veggies and fruit, exercise everyday, do yoga, take a hot bath, get a massage, do hypnotherapy sessions, journal about your experience and most importantly of all, create a deeper intimate relationship with God. Tremendous love and healing energy is available to you when you simply ask for it, trust it is coming and wait patiently. The whole purpose of any relationship or breakup is so that we bring the most hidden aspects of our shadow into the light of awareness. The day you stop pointing the finger inside or outside yourself, and see that everything is unfolding exactly as it should, then the healing comes flooding in.
Anytime a fight, breakup and temporary separation occurs, both soul’s are needing healing. It’s never just one side. If one person cannot face their issues and covers them up with alcohol, drugs, distractions, or remains busy all the time, then they are not willing to grow. It is very hard to sit with your pain and own it completely. It totally dismantles the ego, making life seem empty and meaningless. You may also get too identified with your pain and believe many negative things about yourself, life and others. It is only through stepping back in pure awareness, that you can discover the real roots of your pain so that you can give it love and heal it completely. It’s key to spend time alone during your healing process yet don’t spend all your time alone. It’s good to talk with therapists, healers, friends and family for perspective and support during your healing crisis as well. Yet, the key I found was in getting extra quiet, being super still, solitary and diving into the core of what cannot be embraced and letting it rise to the surface to be loved.
In every relationship there is always going to be one person who is more invested in staying together than the other. This person will be the one who starts taking on all the blame and responsibility for the relationship problems. The other person gets conned into believing that this is true thinking, “Why would they admit this and take all the blame if they weren’t the problem?” Thus, only one partner ends up owning their shadow which actually leaves the other person in denial, thinking they are not in the dark. If the relationship is going to move forward in love to the next level, both people have to own their shadow, take full responsibility for the blame, judgment and projection they have about the other, and share this new realization of responsibility with the other. By revealing this radical truth, the heart connection opens again as both are equally responsible and looking inside to make changes.
“Once one has experienced a few times what it is like to stand judgingly between the opposites, one begins to understand what is meant by the Self.” ~ Carl Jung
Here is a super powerful technique that works miraculously at enlightening your shadow inside you and bring your relationship to an entirely new light! Take that one major fear, anger, resentment, complaint or negative feeling that you are holding onto about your partner. For example, you could believe that, “He is always so angry, distant and cold.” Take a few minutes now to truly embrace this feeling, and deeply feel this negative feeling inside your body. Then, flip the light switch on to the opposite feeling and thought which may be something like, “He is at peace, connecting with me, feeling warm and fuzzy!” Now feel this healing sensation in your body until it completely takes over the negative, and balances out the cold distant feeling. Really embellish your imagination so you truly feel the reality of this positive sensation. When you let your body feel a good deep dose of both the negative and positive feelings around this one judgment/belief, then say to yourself, “Both sides are true which cancel each other out leaving neither side to hold any real truth” and let it all go.
When you can train your mind to continuously flip the switch, change train tracks, and entertain the opposite of every fear, desire, and negative belief that arises, then you discover the power to both drop instantly. This is not about creating a habit of replacing the negative with the positive. It’s more powerful and enlightening than that. This is about seeing the illusory nature of thought, and allowing all beliefs to cancel each other out so that nothing but spaciousness is left. This spacious energy allows you to drop deeper into your being, where the God Source is easily accessed. By practicing this canceling out technique anytime you get triggered by your partner, you’ll find that you become a very peaceful being. You’ll become ok with that typically upsetting news, capable of remaining centered in the midst of their emotional storm, and feel available to loving and accepting them exactly how they are.
It is only through deep introspection that you can find fulfillment in your relationships. Every person contains both negative and positive aspects inside them, which are hard to see until you can sit with your own shadow. The enlightened relationship can only manifest when we are neither attached to, nor avoiding the negative or the positive beliefs about our partner. If you’ve become attached to the positive or negative ideas about how your partner “used to be or should be”, then you’re digging out your own personally designated dungeon. Drop your attachment and choose to set them and yourself free! There are always three sides to every coin. There is a middle path that will liberate you, and it is often hidden beyond the shadow. Only when we truly find this middle path that is neither avoiding the negative, nor clinging to the positive, can we see how perfectly divine, sacred and God-like the reflection in the mirror actually is.
If you’d like more assistance in your relationship or recovery process, I’ve created a Self Love Meditation, a Healing Meditation, the Love Mantra, and Soul Mate Manifesting Meditation that will help you take a deeper step inside yourself to heal those parts that need love, and manifest a new life partner who is willing to look at their shadow. There is also an Enlightened Affirmations program and Spiritual Awakening e-book will also help you dramatically shift your mental and emotional state and start helping you manifest the type of relationship you truly desire. Remember, you are precious, divine and worthy of love. This is your life to enjoy and let it liberate you on all levels!
“I’ve been on the 90 day course for a few months now and am really noticing some amazing changes in myself. I
feel healthier, I got a promotion at work, I’ve started developing my online business plans that I’ve had for years…
and so much more! Thanks Jafree. Please keep the inspiration coming. Best regards. ~Jeremy Gard,
Sending lots of love and lightness,
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