Hi Jafree! I read your material often and just love it. I have a question and am looking for different opinions on it. The question is; What is the difference between Love and Unconditional Love. I personally believe that it is vast, but most people I peruse, don’t. What do you think?
Wow, what a good question and such a big topic as well. Perhaps we need to clarify the question a little bit more. The real question that it sounds like you’re asking is what’s the difference between conditional and unconditional love, or you could also say a personal egoic love and an impersonal divine love.
How do we remain in love in relationship?
I really sat with this question this morning. It was evident that in every relationship I’ve had in my life there was always a mix of both Egoic Love and Divine Love. They always came together as a unit.
The love that is egoic and conditional exists because it’s based on our human wants, needs, and desires of the flesh. Meaning, you do this for me and I do this for you, and then we are in agreement and safe to make love with each other. If you stop doing this you break our agreement then I must create a wall within myself and stop physically loving you.
We all know this painful type of love very well.
Unconditional love however is much different. It is rather a space within your innermost being that is already always aligned with an infinite source of love.
It is already connected with your own Divinity, so it does not seek love outside in anyone or anything. It knows that you are the infinite source of love itself, so there is nothing better to do in life but constantly give that love away.
Most all of humanity has been raised with the programming that all LOVE is conditional love, and unconditional love is something that only a saint can offer.
We are programmed to believe in our smallness. When you stop being kind to me then I must suddenly react by running away, fighting with you or playing frozen and ignore you.
We haven’t been trained to be open, vulnerable and kind when someone treats us unkindly. We haven’t found the rock of divinity within us to do so.
Our relationships are mainly based on our parents programming of how we saw them in their relationship.
As children we watched how they demanded love, how they reacted and shut down, played defensive games, and created a strategy to get ‘love’ from the other person.
We learned on the deepest levels that love has nothing to do with connecting to Divinity within us.
Now it can get really tricky when you are involved in a deep romantic long-term relationship because you will need to expose your vulnerability to your partner on a daily basis.
Meaning you’ll need to share your human needs, desires, deeper longings, fears, and your core insecurity with them in order so they trust you, feel a safe enough with you to open their vulnerable parts up to you as well.
When we expose those wounded parts inside they can become seen, felt and healed through love!
Love can feel like the most most wonderful exploration in life, or the most dangerous thing in the entire universe, and it all depends on if we are coming from ego or from divinity.
The ego can expose our vulnerability and darkness with a partner who is unable to be vulnerable, and we risk feeling rejection or becoming attached to their love to soothe us.
And if we don’t take the risk to expose our vulnerability, we might lose ourselves in the protective egoic drama, and forget that our connection with Divinity is strong enough to expose any weakness inside.
The ego can get lost in anything. In some angry/victim story, secretly hoping they will save us, and it suddenly forgets that we are God beings creating reality through every moment of our existence.
The greatest secret I’ve found to get through this human mess is honoring the bigger truth that we are the meeting point of both human and divine.
A strong healthy love in relationship manifests by finding this hidden third side of the coin.
This means we welcome the egoic love from your partner and the unconditional love from Divinity together, and we breathe into the meeting of these two opposing worlds
This merging of both our humanity and our divinity allows us to become compassionate with ourselves and let love in on the deepest levels.
If we try to hide, or manipulate a triggered situation by running away from human love and avoiding the pain of its messy sticky energy, then a deeper heart connection with our partner cannot be found.
This welcoming of the messy human love inside of us in a relationship is the golden key to being spiritually free, and it is what allows the light of Divinity to come shining through.
When this Divine lightness, this freedom, this open spacious energy comes into the wound inside of you, then your partner begins to relax into their wounded parts as well.
This is where unconditional love in a partnership takes over egoic conditional love, creating the deepest bond with your partner and causes the heart connection between you to grow incredibly strong.
Yes, we are always both human in divine. We need to embrace both if we are going to feel completely whole and at peace with the totality of our being. If we try to spiritually transcend egoic conditional love then we are neglecting our humanity.
If we try to become purely spiritual beings that only rely on unconditional love, we will never expose our vulnerability and explore the ecstatic joy of engaging in a deep heartfelt Tantric love affair.
There would be no need to take the risk to be intimate with anyone, because we would think that we don’t need a real flesh and blood human ‘outside lover’ anymore because we are happier being alone and focusing on finding unconditional love with Divinity inside ourselves.
What I discovered in the romantic love relationships in my life is that there is a time and a place for everything.
There is a time to be in ego and a time to be free from it. There’s a time to feel separate, alone and a time to feel one with others. There is a time for conditional love and there’s a time for unconditional love.
The secret to trusting this pendulum swinging process is to know the higher goal which is learning how to relax, open up, think positive and enjoy every single experience life offers you.
Life never makes a mistake because everything is guided by a higher intelligence that is within behind everything. We are not separate from each other.
If we don’t trust Divinity enough to let ourselves get close enough to another human being to be deeply triggered, we will always remain arrogant, ignorant and disconnected from healing our deepest darkness.
Only in the darkness can we see the stars, and they are so bright.
I hope you can fully accept the egoic love and divine love within yourself and your partner, so you both one day can fully experience the dark human love that is messy, innocent and guided by the awesome multi-dimensional beings that you are.
Sending pure love to you, ❤️