i am alone and I want my life to end I don\’t want to live I want to die…what should I do?
My father killed himself 27 years ago today September 3rd, so it’s no coincidence that you are writing me this today, I feel you… and he would be alive today if he was able to be real vulnerable and let down his prideful ego. So thank you for reaching out to me, in some way it feels like his spirit is reaching out through you.
I hear you and feel you. Do you have any friends that you are close to that you can talk about this with?
What I would encourage you to do first is breathing deeper into your body, into your belly especially, and allowing the feelings to be there. Watch the thoughts arise and fall away as you breathe. Do this every morning first thing when you wake up.
Next, I would practice being open soft, and vulnerable with others about your suicidal feelings and thoughts. Express what you cannot express in a way you can be received. If someone out there cares about you, then you might find a way to care about you too, and then you might be able to relax enough in your body to just let these negative thoughts go.
I find that wanting to live in this crazy world and actually enjoy it is all about creating deep authentic heartfelt connections with people. It can be anyone, perhaps someone you don’t even know! Open up this vulnerability sharing with the right person and it could inspire them to feel deeper into their own pain to heal themselves as well.
Overall, wanting to escape from our pain is just an avoidance strategy that doesn’t work. We are all here to experience life and in this is the experience of feeling our pain and being with it. See if you can find a way to be compassionate or kind or gentle with yourself in SOME way… knowing deep down that this experience too shall pass.
At times we all feel lonely Suzanne yet I feel this is not a problem yet an opportunity to create a deeper connection with God.
My sister heard once that I was feeling my dad’s suicidal energy and she reached out to me and this brought our relationship much closer… now we have a deeper friendship connection and support than ever before.
If you don’t have anyone close to you in your life that you feel you can share this with then give these sweet caring people a call 1-844-493-8255
I would also practice doing this meditation daily, as it will bring you peace
Please remember that this life may be difficult at times yet it is a spiritual school for higher learning… each day is a temporary gift for us to learn how to love, how to let go of negativity and enjoy ourselves finding pleasure in whatever small ways we can.
Sit down for an hour and write down everything that you’re grateful for… and send that list to yourself as an email for you to read tomorrow morning! This is a great homework assignment for you and something beautiful to look forward to!
And lastly, I would give yourself 24 hours to be with the energy, things will usually change in that amount of time…
Sending much love and support ❤️