The 4 Steps to Everlasting Self Confidence
Written by Jafree Ozwald
“Life is like a wild tiger. You can either lie down and let it lay its paw on your head or sit on its back and ride it.” ~Ride the Wild Tiger “Life is like a wild tiger. You can either lie down and let it lay its paws on your head, or sit on its back and ride it.” ~Ride the Wild Tiger
One of the most effective ways to manifest anything in your life, is having true confidence in yourself and in the dream life you desire to have. When you’re feeling great about yourself, you’re sending out a powerful positive vibe into the world, which comes back to you in the form of amazing opportunities, more abundance, and positive relationships. Having self-confidence is like a magic wand in your pocket. You can pull it out whenever you want and feel that you have the power to miraculously manifest anything you can imagine!
It just happens in the course of a lifetime that our soul yearns to mature deeply within itself. To do this it must attract a super challenging situation that will teach us to look deeper inside, and find where the source of everlasting confidence comes from. Somebody will get angry at us, become disappointed in us, start neglecting, ignoring, and even physically and emotionally abuse us. If we become identified with the negative experience, we can feel bad about ourselves, the world and shrink our perception of the amazing being we truly are. If we continue for years to identify with the bad feelings and story around the trauma, we develop a sense of low self-esteem and the confidence we had within ourselves will weaken.
If you have been traumatized in your life, you are not alone. Most of us have some major form of wounding we are dealing with. We all have the choice in how we deal with it, and this path is what leads us to healing and freedom. The path of creating more confidence in yourself beings with practicing trusting and loving yourself all day long. Being gentle with who you are, as the more often you love you, the more valuable, loveable and precious you feel in this world. When you can allow yourself to feel loveable, you start respecting yourself and the gifts you have to give to this world. You feel valuable and worthy of more love. You stop thinking about how unlovable you are, or comparing yourself with others believing that they are better than you.
If we continue to dwell on and focus upon our wounding, only feeling that we are lacking, needing, or feeling ‘not enough’ in our lives, then we stop having time for loving, approving and appreciating who we are. When self-love is not happening on a daily basis, it opens the ground for the wound to fester and a lower self-confidence to root inside. If we do not establish a new perception or thinking pattern inside ourselves, we might just live our entire lives believing we are never good enough, and feel as if life is one long hell ride of being dragged from the cradle to the grave.
“When I let go of who I am, I become what I might be.” – Lao Tzu
It’s good to know that there are two basic types of self-confidence we can tap into. The first is a transient state of ego confidence that will come and go, because it’s based in holding onto thoughts which always come and go. The mind attempts to grip firmly onto a strong positive idea about who you are, and then you feel good about you. This strategy will work for a certain measure of time, yet eventually “I am a powerful confident person” will shift to “I am weak and helpless pathetic person” when the great cyclone of life rips through.
Whenever we hold too tightly onto any idea about who we are, or who we are not, we soon see that life will challenge the strength of this idea. If our ideas about ourselves are flexible, we’ll tend to bend when life attempts to break us. The limbs of the large oak tree tend to crack in a big wind storm, while the flexible bamboo tree yields to the fierce pressure and cyclone intensity. Eventually, whenever any idea is shaken, cracked or destroyed about ourselves, the ego comes crashing down burying itself in the dark valley of insecurity and powerlessness, and then has to rebuild its inner structure again and again.
“There is no use removing doubts one by one. If we clear one doubt another doubt will arise and there will be no end of doubts. But, if by seeking the doubter, the doubter is found to be really non-existent, then all doubts will cease.” ~ Ramana Maharshi
The second type of confidence is a spiritual confidence, which has nothing to do with ideas, beliefs, identity or ego. This level of confidence stems from a perpetual discovery of one’s sweet succulent spiritual essence. It is an unveiling of the spiritual truth of who you are, without labels, judgments, masks or coverings of any kind. Our true spiritual nature is tapped into an infinite source of love, and this love is unconditional. You naturally feel confident about life because you are feeling into the very source of love which always abides at the core of your being.
By simply feeling into your deepest core, you find this spiritual connection is there. It is a gentle relaxation, an effortless surrender into your deepest truth without words. There is a divine energy there, a conscious being who is beautiful, brilliant, and incredibly powerful. This naturally sacred being doesn’t need to prove itself, its beaming joy is self evident, and is quiet about how amazing and boundless it is. From this space, there is nobody who needs confidence, or fears that someone is lacking confidence. All you see and feel is the shining light that you are. The small powerless shadow self instantly disappears in the essence of this bright light, leaving no sense of separation from life, and the pendulum stops swinging from feeling superior to being inferior.
Perhaps the most vital piece of information that will help you remain in a state of perpetual self confidence, is that it is ridiculously easy and truly effortless to experience it. Everlasting confidence is our natural effortless essence and is continuously radiating at the core of our being. We don’t have to do anything to entice the Sun to shine brighter, it is always already here, shining perfectly bright enough. The Sun is a perfect example of who you are. It is always radiating its light on the world, is naturally self effulgent, perfectly warm to bring about life, and simply cannot be improved upon. This is exactly the way you are.
“Everybody wants to be extraordinary. That is the search of the ego; to be someone who is special, unique, and incomparable. This is the paradox, the more you try to be exceptional, the more ordinary you look because everyone is after extraordinaryness. It is such an ordinary desire. The very search to be ordinary is actually extraordinary, because rarely does somebody want to be a nobody. Rarely does somebody want to be a hollow empty space. Yet, this is really extraordinary because nobody wants it. So when you become ordinary, you actually become extraordinary.” ~Osho
The search for higher self esteem is a highly addictive and dangerous game to play, as we are continually trying to acquire a more improved version of ourselves, and are never ultimately satisfied with who we are. The more energy we put into trying to become someone better, the more we miss out on the feeling that we are enough, and continue to climb up and fall down the ladder of self-esteem.
The more tightly we grip onto the beliefs and perceptions about ourselves, the more rigid, complex and “crackable” our self esteem structure becomes. Eventually, when the big wind of life blows through, every idea we were clinging to is shaken off, cracked or destroyed. It is by putting less energy and effort into becoming someone who is confident, that we create more time to spend in relaxation and enjoying bathing in our spiritual core essence. By simply enjoying this truly relaxed healing space within, you become unshakable, and capable of embracing the greatest storms when they pass through.
Ironically, the most solid foundation of confidence of them all, is the one which feels connected with the sadness and weakness inside our human selves. We are not avoiding, attached to, or resisting the darkness, yet are simply rooted in the strength we find in our own authenticity. It is through our vulnerability that we find true strength in ourselves, able to remain centered in the most challenging life scenarios. This confidence is the strongest because it is the most flexible, capable of dealing with change, and absorbing anything that life throws its way.
It’s good to know that the opposite of confidence is doubt, fear, hesitation, uncertainty and cowardice. Each of these experiences is a by-product of a tight tense emotional fear based memory that is stored inside the body. The more integrated you become with the tension and the relaxation of the tension, your entire being finds the deepest place of relaxation, and confident comes pouring through.
You can see how essential it is to make time in your life to slow down from the racing mind and practice relaxing into each experience whether good or bad. Use your breath as a vehicle to take you deeper inside, to touch everything within you and eventually reach your inner most spiritual core. Play with the exploration, feeling the intimate spiritual connection you already have within yourself. Very soon, you’ll find that this simple sweet enquiry transforms your entire life!
The 4 steps to everlasting self confidence below are techniques that I’ve used for many years with my clients and have seen tremendous shifts in their lives. These are my “golden secrets” to transforming a life long battle with self esteem, into one that is overflowing in a sea of self trust, gratitude and self love. If you find this information enlightening and effective in changing your experience of life, please share it with your friends and family. Enjoy!
1. The Thread of Breath and Emotional Merging – Randomly 5-10 times a day, feel into your connection with your breath and relax deeply into it for at least 3-5 minutes. Feel into each inhalation and exhalation, expanding the belly and chest, allowing yourself to reach in and touch the deepest level of tension inside. Open up the reservoirs to let your good and bad feelings come flooding in. With each breath, feel into the emotional peak and valley that currently exists in your life. Let yourself be massaged by the breath, bringing up the greatest pain and sadness inside, and let them merge with your deepest your joy and bliss. Breathe into them both so they merge and dissolve into one energy. Let this mixed pool of energy dissolve back into your spiritual essence, the source of pure consciousness itself, where it came from.
You can imagine you are piercing the memories of your past with one thread of consciousness using your breath. The breath will push the thread, binding the feelings and memories together, melting and melding them as one. As you feel through to the core of these feelings they will change, and you’ll naturally begin to relax deeper and discover a state of peace and stillness inside. Imagine you are rooting yourself internally, in this space of stillness and deep peace, and practice living from this space as much as possible throughout your day.
I find that the breath is our greatest gateway to freedom. The more awareness we can create around our breath, welcoming its life giving and receiving movements, the more we can relax deeper inside and trust the divine guidance of life. As this trust reaches into our innermost core, we simply let go of the traumas that run our life, and find true emotional healing inside. It is from simply following and feeling into the breath, that we retrain our body to relax, and can start connecting with the more spiritual aspects of our being. From this space being able to fully relax into our own body, a genuine confident state automatically takes over
2. Find What Makes You Smile – If you want a little burst of confidence right now, think about what puts a smile on your face first thing in the morning. Whatever it is, focus on it and imagine that it is happening to you right now! Let that good feeling come flooding in and show up in your face, then let it flood all throughout your body. Confident people are not afraid to smile, they are full of real smiles! When you start practicing your outer smile you begin accessing your real inner smile, the part that is truly happy inside you. Then, there is no reason to ever fake a smile in the world again. So let your true inner smile come out and be displayed on your face this week. Let those happy feelings reach into the parts of your body that really need it. This simple technique will instantly help you to feel happy inside, which breeds a solid state of inner peace, so you can access true confidence at any time.
3. Be 100% Authentic, Truthful and Real with Everyone – People who feel insecure and powerless in life are usually overly occupied with hiding how they truly feel. A truly confident being is unconcerned about the good and bad opinions of others. He/she is practicing authenticity because it feels good to be real. It simply feels liberating to not have to hide, and you can stop micro-managing life to be a particular way. When we have zero fear about what others might think or say, we become naturally authentic, real, relaxed and grounded in our spiritual nature. The more that this authentic expression becomes a habit and your “home base”, then everything that is false and insecure will eventually fall away.
The authentic being is one who has the courage to reveal whatever they cannot talk about. There is always this movement towards a deeper sharing, even if they are feel insecure about something, the vulnerability brings out an even deeper confidence from within. An authentic being knows that it’s ok to feel pain, express hard emotions, and understands that stuffing is the greatest cause of suffering. When we take the risk to be real, this truth revealing energy bonds people together, eliminating the need for superficial games which keep people locked up in their ego. We can find the sweetest joy surfaces naturally from the most simple expression of our authenticity.
4. Practice Becoming Very Silent and Still – When you sit very very still, like a solid silent statue randomly for a few minutes every day, not moving at all, everything in your life will start to become crystal clear. As the busy beings that we are, it may not come easy at first to learn how to meditate and do absolutely nothing. Yet, within this stillness and silence there exists such a tremendous freedom. You instantly find the courage to do whatever you want in life, and this allows the adult in you to be childlike and playful again.
In total silence you get in touch with the spiritual core of you, and discover the naturally confident and charismatic person you truly are inside. By quieting your mind chatter you let go of all efforting (especially trying to be confident), you start to sink deeper into your all-expansive infinite spiritual nature. Here you engage with everyone in life from a divine perspective, seeing the spiritual essence within them, and thus life begins meeting you on the same level.
So my invitation is to commit to sit in total silence for at least 5-10 minutes a day. Eventually, the mind will get rooted and become quieter inside with practice. The more often you sit still, the more clear the mind will get, and you will see who and what you truly are, as well as where you are going in your life. From this space you are more effective in the decision and actions you choose throughout the day. Living your life from this silent space, you will begin feeling more guided, connected and aligned with the mysterious unfolding of the Universe within you.
“Success is a journey, not a destination – half the fun is getting there.” ~Gita Bellin
My invitation here is much bigger than taking on a perpetual self esteem project that is never fully satisfied with the end result. I want you to realize the truth of who you are. I want you to see this spiritual being inside you who is all powerful, unconditionally loving, and free from all doubt, insecurity and fear. Through following these 4 steps above everyday, you will become the #1 priority in your life, and discover how easy it was to become a naturally confident being again. Take the risk today to take on this enlightening approach now! By opening yourself on an entirely new dimension to new sources of confidence inside you, life becomes a truly magical experience.
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“I’ve been on the 90 day course for a few months now and am really noticing some amazing changes in myself. I feel healthier, I got a promotion at work, I’ve started developing my online business plans that I’ve had for years… and so much more! Thanks Jafree. Please keep the inspiration coming. Best regards. ~Jeremy Gard, Brisbane, Australia
Sending lots of confident loving lightness your way!
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“There are no accidents or coincidences in this world. Nothing is by chance. Everything you’re experiencing is a direct manifestation of where you’re focusing your energy, attention and consciousness.” ~ Jafree Ozwald
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