Written by Jafree Ozwald
“We have two choices: continue to blame the world for our stress or take responsibility for our own reactions and deliberately change our emotional climate.” ~ Doc Childre and Howard Martin
Would you like to feel more deeply connected to your beloved and all of the loved ones in your life? It’s possible to manifest a greater sense of connection, communication, compatibility, and understanding with others. One of the secrets is to practice finding out where you are withholding your love, and not embracing this person exactly as they are. In this article I’m going to introduce you to 3 powerful relationship secrets that will take your relationship from being on the edge of the fence, to feel rooted in the greatest foundation you’ve ever known in your life!
The first thing to understand about human beings is that everyone has behavioral traits, patterns, judgments and character flaws that are not always easy to cope with. When these behaviors arise in your partner and you might unconsciously push them away from you, you stop loving them and start making them responsible for your emotional pain. You may even start blaming them, and stop looking at yourself for why you are in pain.
Often, we see the problem or disconnect is outside ourselves, instead of inside. We don’t want to take any real responsibility nor see the emotional distance that we are creating as we are believing that something is “wrong” with them. If your partner is upset, complaining, angry, judgmental, fearful or downright mean about something, we may feel hurt and then have a tendency to push them away into this cold prickly box. We can then start giving them so much space they float off into the distance creating more separation and less communication and connection. What we need instead is learning how to not get so triggered when they are, and bring them closer to our warm forgiving hearts.
Whatever challenging experiences that you’ve had with your partner is never all their fault, nor yours. All relationship issues stem from wounds in our past (childhood most likely) that have not been healed. Our mom or dad gave us the cold shoulder and now we expect our partner to do the same.
“Each of us is always doing the very best we can with what we have.” ~ Louise Hays
The root cause of all pain comes from a deep spiritual disconnection that is buried within you. When the soul heart is ignored, the mind creates this idea of separation, thinking that this is “their” problem and not our issue to help us grow in intimacy. When a couple is blaming the other, they are not embracing the fact that they have individually manifested every challenging circumstance they are in. They also are blind to seeing the arguments as an opportunity for growth and heal the old wounds that are buried inside.
The key is to help each other to heal. This means knowing how to hold space for your partner to be whomever they need to be in that moment they are upset. It doesn’t mean they’re going to be like this tomorrow, next month, or the rest of their life, it simply means this is the childhood pain they are expressing right now, and you can learn where they need the most love and you don’t have to take any of it personally.
When the people you love are hurting inside, the best thing you can do is ask them what they need. Check-in and see how you can serve them in a way that makes them feel more safe and comfortable in their own skin. They may need more space temporarily, perhaps a week of silence in the mountains alone, to really find a deeper level of peace within themselves.
Do your best to help them get whatever they need. Also, ask if they could use a warm cozy hug from your heart. It tends to make everything instantly better. Relationships are often very simple like this. By offering your most patient quiet loving gentle presence, your partner relaxes and is capable of feeling that energy within themselves.
“When you blame others, you give up your power to change.” ~ Dr. Robert Anthony
Connecting deeply with your beloved starts with empathy and ends with compassion. For 60 seconds, try stepping into their shoes and imagining what it must feel like to live their life, be in their body right now, and dealing with the situation they are in. Explore the beliefs and life circumstances they are facing without judging them, or trying to change them. Simply accept them exactly as they are. When we choose to accept, instead of try to fix, change or heal our partner, we are also giving ourselves permission to relax and embrace those parts inside us that we feel aren’t so lovable. Whatever we give, is ultimately what we receive.
When you practice accepting everything you see inside your partner, you begin to feel this Divine perfection inside your beloved. The distant judgmental reasons you felt arose between you, simply seem irrelevant and fade away. The cause of your discomfort, and your negative feelings, is because your ego is attached to an outcome, or waiting for an experience it doesn’t want to have.
The ego is afraid of losing love because it does not know that the source of infinite love, is found within your spiritual core. All the love you need you can have. It is all available inside you once you remove the veil of illusions clouding your mind. Here are my 3 relationship secrets to help you shift out of blaming your beloved, into embracing the Divine, unconditionally loving Being, they truly are.
1. Uncover Your Ego’s Perceived Loss: Each time you find yourself getting upset and wanting to blame your partner, look deep inside and ask yourself, “What is it that my ego perceives it has lost, and wants to try to get back, by blaming?” There are hundreds of perceived losses that include loss of freedom, loss of security, loss of connection, loss of power, loss of respect, loss of peace, loss of love, etc… For instance, let’s imagine that your partner forgets your birthday, and does not buy you a gift. Your ego may then interpret this failure as “he doesn’t truly love me,” creating a sense of loss of love. When your mind creates this story, you may blame your partner for your feelings, causing even more distance in the relationship.
2. Get out of your Story and into Truth: The creation of stories by the mind is what creates the illusion of fear and loss. Stories arise when the mind attaches a perceived meaning onto an experience. With this meaning comes a whole slew of thoughts, emotions, misunderstandings, expectations, etc… For instance, in the above illustration, the meaning that was attached to the missed birthday was that your partner didn’t love you. A story going on in your head can be tricky to detect.
The easiest way to detect a story is by asking yourself, “Can I be 100% certain, and bet my life on it, that THIS is absolutely true.” Perhaps 99 times out of 100 you’ll see it’s just a story with a strong emotion attached to it. When you move closer to the truth, there is simply the fact that something happened, it has no meaning attached to it, and that’s all. No more and no less. The better you get at seeing the story, and able to examine what happened in a more factual way, you can consciously stay away from the ego’s favorite game of living in judgment, blaming, victimizing, and story-telling.
3. Open your Heart to Feeling the Perfection in your Partner: Anytime you are faced with judgment, resistance, fear, betrayal or any challenge in a relationship, just start with asking your highest self this simple question: “How is this circumstance perfect for my highest growth and evolution?” This kind of inquiry will naturally allow you to uncover the perfection that is hidden beneath the mind. As you ask this question, your mind will begin to relax, open and see the perfection that has always been there.
The more you can see this perfection, the wider your heart opens, and the easier it is for you to connect with your beloved on the deepest most intimate levels. You’ll see how much your partner truly cares for you when the desire to blame them falls away. What is left when there is no one to blame, is this deep loving connection, where you are truly meeting each other and fully accepting all facets of one another. In this embrace and acceptance is found a profound unconditional love for your partner, and for yourself.
When we can see the bigger picture of what is, we can accept anything and let go of everything. The perfection of each human being is often covered up behind the egoic muck and its tragic powerless conditioning patterns. When we can embrace those parts of ourselves that aren’t “perfect,” whole or complete, and accept them as being in the process towards perfection, we can relax and realize everything actually IS perfect as it is! Seeing this imperfect perfection is necessary to step out of the egoic way of thinking, and into a more soulful perception. We honestly cannot know that what’s occurring is NOT for the highest good of each soul’s evolution.
Some couples work like slingshots and when they take a few steps backward they end up launching their love life 10 levels forward. They are willing to take the risk to talk about their issues openly, the ones that trigger them to the core and find healing together. This is what a heal-ationship is truly about, and we start to see the other and ourselves completely new.
The mind only sees a tiny slice of reality. It just cannot understand how everything in the Universe constantly and naturally fits together like an enormous harmonious puzzle. The day we realize how insignificant our perception of reality can be, then we can step back and take in the bigger picture, and feel into the deepest heart of our being. This is the only way we can experience how everything that happens is absolutely perfect in every way, and open the door to a more enlightened experience of our relationships.
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My 90 Day Super Manifesting Program will help you increase the amount of fun, joy and love in your relationships! By simply following my Super Manifesting Program for 90 days you and your partner will increase your vibration, consciousness together and open your heart to the 5th Dimension where all the magic in life truly happens! Its a super fun program to do as a team to support each other in breaking through the levels of resistance that keep the relationship stuck in the past. The new level of consciousness created after these 90 days will allow you to interact with your beloved on a much higher level of thinking and feeling, where you’ll automatically attract that connection your heart desires!
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Sending lots of love and lightness your way!
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